Eat Pray Love
So I just finished reading Eat Pray Love, partially in anticipation of the movie coming out in August and partially because of the weird transitional state of my life at the moment. Despite a few spots where my attention wandered, I really enjoyed the book overall. I was hesitant to. So many people (women in particular) talk about how much they love this book and how it meant so much to them. On some level, I just wondered if it was the whole “a ton of people like this book, so I have to like it too” thing. And to an extent, I think that might still be true for some.
There were many passages that I could really relate to, but there was one paragraph in particular that struck a nerve with me at this point in my life. The context is very different, but the quote is this:
“He said that I seemed so young, not in the least bit resembling the self-assured woman he’d come to know in the daylight world. He said I seemed terribly young but also open and excited and relieved to be recognized and so tired of being brave.”
Now, it might seem like a leap, but it got me thinking (as I have been drawn to do lately) about loneliness and how we connect with people. I find that every day you are alone, you have to be strong and independent and brave and smart in order to survive. It is only when you are with someone you trust and care about and know that you can afford to make mistakes, fall apart or happily follow the crowd.
But between those two points is the most exhausting situation of all—that point where you are hypersensitive, hyperaware and just plain on edge. That point where you are trying to find which new people you can relax around and rely on without losing your footing.
As it is probably obvious from my phone calls and such, at times I feel I am foundering in this middle area, with help from my friends and family back home being the only respite from treading water and keeping my head afloat here.
And as long as the people I love keep putting up with those moments when I need to be vulnerable, to let go and just be not okay, I will be okay. While I can feel like a burden at those points, I try to remember that those people are in my life in part because I know they will not abandon me or feel that I am (too much of a) burden.
