Jaded and cynical
(Jaded: worn out or wearied, as by overwork or overuse)
Often I see older journalists with this world-weary look to them. They’ve drank too much caffeine, worked too many overtime shifts and broken one too many marriages or relationships. I’ve seen that A LOT lately. The younger the person, the more stark the change.
I worry about becoming permanently jaded. I find that journalists (myself most definitely included) tend to be the most easily jaded. We work the hardest, strive the most and have the highest hopes for improving the world in some way. That means it’s only a small push from the edge and a long way to fall.
I feel jaded right now too. Lately in a few different aspects of my life, I’ve been forced to recognize companies’, governments’, schools’ and individuals’ self-interested ways. This coupled with stress and being let down time and time again has left me tired and frustrated. I am more often hoping for the best while realistically expecting the worst.
But I think jadedness can be overcome. I think a lifestyle change can bring you back and reanimate you. I hope that I’m only a few steps away from that kind of change because right now, I believe I’m only one misstep away from becoming a full-blown cynic.
(Cynic: a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view)
I am terrified of becoming a cynic. At times I’m prone to cynicism, everyone is. But I never want it to become a defining trait.
Coming to work for the company that I’ve idolized has probably been the biggest eye-opener. (It’s like the old expression, “Never meet your hero.”) Unfortunately it hasn’t been the only one.
Deep down, I know there are plenty of people, companies and organizations doing good in the world out of pure selflessness. But that belief is so easily overshadowed by recent frustrations.
When I’m at my most hopeless, I am often reminded by my good friend Lindsay to “look down at your arm.” When I glance at that tattoo, I know that things will get better. I know not when or how, but it will. There is always hope, always light at the end of the darkest tunnels.
Now I just need to find the right tunnel out.
